5/28/2007

Backhanded Compliment

We were about to make love. Like any twenty-two year old, I was quite looking forward to the next minute and thirty seconds. I hadn't even managed one outward thrust when my girlfriend looked at me with a very sincere and serious look and whispered:

You feel big tonight, Bob. What happened?

What was I supposed to say to that...thanks, I think it was the Chicken Parmigiana?

My actual response was a non-descriptive grunt -- you see, I was about to get laid and everything else, even my self respect and manhood, was of no immediate importance

A few minutes later, when I again felt so very small, I attempted to rationalize what she meant. After mulling over the implication of her words, I came to two conclusions: my girlfriend was a bitch, and I had a little joystick.

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