As Good a Start as Any

I am not a big fan of myspace. Blame it on my last vestiges of self respect or Chris Hansen, either way I am here under duress.

I am searching for a writing venue that will actually be read by someone not eleven-years-old and directly related to me. You would be surprised at how a harsh a literary taskmaster a 4'6" pre-pubescent little brother can be - if it doesn't incorporate an A B rhyme scheme or eerily prescient talking animals, Issy isn't happy.

I spent the last hour catching up on myspace: I am glad to see it is still the place for vapid, self masturbatory thought and chubby white chicks making gang signs. Of course, I am all for stroking ones ego and contorting in positions that are as absurd as they are inappropriate - anyone who witnessed my synchronized swimming routine while clad only in a thong can readily attest to that.

While browsing on myspace I came upon a former high school classmate. She appears to be have a happy and successful life - she is also married. I did not particularly know her well, in fact I never spoke to her beyond exchanging polite pleasantries; however, I am sure she stunk.

What I mean, in the most olfactory of senses, she had a fetid, fishy aroma. At the time, I never really gave it much thought, but when I happened upon her profile, the stench's source came to me: poor gynecological hygiene. As I have discovered from many an ex-girlfriend*, a stinky Gleaming mound of Venus is common. What does a smelly ninja slipper have to do with me? Not as much as I would like, but it did make me think: how does a woman who decidedly had sworn off feminine products in high school manage to get married?

I can only imagine the herculean effort required to cleanse her Augean stable, assuming that it is even possible. Her husband appears to be a handsome, clean cut professional sort. Perhaps he has some sort of stinky pajama fetish, but what if he doesn't even know of his wife's odorous past?

My ten year reunion is rapidly approaching and I wonder, will she be there? If so, should I approach her and take a whiff? Is her past a secret best left unsaid? Or, would it be better to satisfy my curiosity, approach her husband and offer a congratulatory hand containing a pair of nose plugs.